Sunday 22 March 2020

To my girls on the day you made history

To my beautiful girls,

On most other days I would moan about doing the school run, if I wasn't whinging about the rain or the fact that I walk back and forth to that school 6 times on the days I'm not in work then I'd be moaning about the chaos that it always brings with it. The whole morning routine usually stresses me out. Getting the breakfasts, fighting with you both to get you dressed, doing your packed lunch, ensuring reading books etc are in the bag and then of course one of you won't be able to find something whether that's your shoes or coat as we rush to head out of the door. Today it was different. Today I knew I was doing it for the last time for probably a long time. Today the world changed again. Today you made history.

Ophelia you had already been off from school for 2 days due to the Corona virus but I had been in work so I was unaware of how emotional I would become when the reality sunk in.

Ophelia and I headed off to pick you up Eva, and as she scooted past her friends and shouted 'hi Holly' and practically squealed with delight when she saw Owen, tears started to form. I wondered how long you'd be away from your friends and whether those friendships and tidings of joy will be there when you return to school. Then the horrible feeling deep down in the pit of my stomach presented itself, I felt sick as my mind wondered. When will you actually return to school and how different will the world be? How different will the people be? Will you actually want to return and make the big jump into reception in September? How will all of this affect your beautiful, inquisitive, precious, vulnerable minds? How can I protect you from something we know nothing about?

I finally reach your classroom door and you wouldn't have seen it as I wouldn't want you to see my fear and upset over the situation but I was crying. I smiled and hugged you. As we walked past other parents I smiled at them. A forced smile through the sadness I was feeling inside. A forced smile from the tears I was desperately fighting back. 

I realised that in years to come teachers will be educating our future generations about this time. About the time that the world changed. About the time that school was cancelled for the foreseeable. About the time that children had to miss exams. They'll teach it in History lessons, Science lessons and Sociology lessons. Today you made the history books but not for something positive but for something negative.

As I sit and wonder what life will be like over the next coming months, I am filled with dread. Not least because I work in healthcare (that comes with so many other worries and stresses right now) but because I need to give you both as much of a normal life as best I can. I need to educate you, play with you, keep you feeling positive and shelter you from the panic and grief around you.

One thing today has made me realise though, is I will never take these moments with you for granted. They are precious, they are to be treasured and remembered because it's all over too quickly. 

Come rain or shine, bring on the next school run. If it's raining then I'll hold your hands and jump in the puddles with you. May I never think of something you enjoy so much, something that brings a smile to your beautiful little faces, as a burden again.

Love you to infinity and beyond,

Mum xxx


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