Wednesday 16 May 2018

The Day I Was Mum Shamed

If you follow me on Facebook then you may have seen that I was recently mum shamed and judged by the new mum police. These new mums really went for me, however, out of their surprise (and my own), they picked on the wrong mama as I left them with jaws to the floor and my head held high.

Here's what happened...

Whilst walking the girls to feed the ducks after school, Ophelia (who's 2.5) decided to throw one of her epic terrible two’s tantrums (about the 7th of the day) which involved lying on the floor kicking and screaming. You know the type of tantrum where they fling themselves back and nothing you can do or say will console them?! It was one of those.

Eva (who's 5 going on 15) decided to keep going ahead of me. I could still see her, she wasn’t far. We were near no roads as along a path by a field. I shouted to Eva to wait ahead. 

This is where the new mums appeared. I could feel their daggers through my back, stabbing me multiple times. They strolled passed with their prams and glared. Not content with just glaring they then decided to stop and turn around and look at me in disgust. One of them decided to take it when step further and said to me confidently "your child is in distress are you going to actually help her or just keep standing there'? 

My blood was boiling. First off what the hell is with Mum judgement?! The three of them were clearly in newborn bubble stage and there they were judging me, stressed out Mum of two young children. My response went like this:

"Are you first time parents? (they said yes)". I explained this was a toddler tantrum and my child was in no means in distress but thanked them for their expert parenting opinion which I had not asked for. Not content with my answer they then criticised the fact that Eva was ahead of me on her own. They really wanted to make me feel useless. Not today lovelies, this mama wasn't having any of it.

This is where I took a deep breath and instead of getting into an argument (believe you me and me, I had to really restrain myself from telling them to fuck off), I decided to tell them how hurtful they were being by judging me. How disrespectful they were. How they can’t make assumptions about situations they know nothing about. I told them, had I not been on anti depressants for postnatal depression (PND) that their judgement would have had me crying all evening and shutting myself away in the bathroom and locking the door. I told them that I would have cried so much to the point where I would have been sick and that would have caused me to have a panic attack. I then explained that my anxiety would’ve meant I wouldn’t have left the house with the girls for a good few days for fear of being JUDGED for my bad parenting and being a shit mum. I then responded that luckily for them I’ve been on anti depressants for a few months now and I am a stronger, more confident Mum who couldn't give a shit what they thought about my parenting. I explained that I hope no one ever does to them what they’ve done to me today and that in future they want to take a long hard look in the mirror before judging other people’s behaviours. I then wished them a lovely day and told them to enjoy the sunshine. 

I walked away from that encounter feeling incredible. Their mum judgement and shaming hadn't had the effect they'd desired. Instead of making me feel like shit, it made me feel fantastic. It made me feel like me again. It was such a pivotal moment in my PND journey as I finally felt like a strong, confident mum again. 

I was literally skipping down the path singing 'THIS IS ME' from 'The Greatest Showman'. I felt powerful, happy and in control. Most of all I was starting to recognise myself again.

To sum up don't judge other mama's (or dad's for that matter), stick together, show some love and support and we can all sing 'This is me' together. 



  1. Well done. I'm amazed they stuck around to listen to you but well done for telling them all of that. I know exactly where you are coming from and it's dreadful of new Mums to say such hurtful things. Goodness me I hope no one talks to them like they spoke to you when no doubt they will experience similar.

  2. Oh god this made me so angry on your behalf! I have been mum shamed in the past and I spent many evenings crying and feeling completely heartbroken because of judgements passed on me by other mums!

  3. You tell them. Judgemental so and so's. You wait until their lovely little newborns throw their first tantrum!

    1. Haha yep. They'll remember this day when that happens

  4. I remember seeing your IG story about it and I was utterly disgusted at their behaviour towards you. But hurrah, you should be so proud of the way you handled it because I'd have lost my sh*t with them. You've come a long way Kerry. Good for you hun xxx

  5. sorry that you even had such a bad experience, but glad that it motivated you in the end. They sound like idiots, but you came across very dignified x

  6. I'm so angry that they felt the need to criticise and shame you. Well done for being so calm with them and for being so honest with your words to them, hopefully it will make them think twice about shaming another parent in the future. Can't stand parents who think it is okay to shame other parents, we all parent differently and do our best by our kids plus parenting is hard and until you've had your first experience of a toddler tantrum you've got no clue of how impossible it is to reason with them.

  7. They just sounded like bullies. You did the right thing and held your head up high. I hope they have taken a step back and thought about their actions. I bet if it was just one of them on their own they wouldn't have said a word!

  8. I remember seeing this on your IG so clearly, because it left me fuming! My son has the worst tantrums, thankfully it was rare that he does it outside the house, but if he's in that state, the best thing to do is just leave him until he's calmed down. There's no reasoning with them! And for other parents to wade in with that kind of judgement is just horrible. I'm so glad you found the right words to let them know how you felt - I'm not sure that I would have!

  9. Those toddler tantrums are epic aren't they. I am hoping as my son starts speaking more the tantrums may start to fade...


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