Monday 10 September 2018

Is It Ever OK For A Family Member To Call You Fat?

Fat! It's the word we love to hate. In fact it's rarely used these days having been replaced by the likes of wobbly, round, overweight, big, bubbly, the list goes on. Therefore, you can imagine my shock and hurt when I heard the word 'FAT' being used to describe my belly. Not only was I shocked at the use of the word but I was dumbfounded at the fact that it had been hurled at me by a close family member. 

I know she didn't intentionally mean to hurt me but the word cut through me like a knife. How can someone I know, love and respect be so cutting?

After wallowing in self pity for what felt like days, I started to question why I was so upset over the whole thing. After all, I've only ever wanted my nearest and dearest to be honest with me. You'll quite often find me asking my husband for reassurance of an outfit I'm wearing. 'Does this make me look big?, Is my belly too big in this? Do I look pregnant?'. these are questions that I ask on a daily basis and everyday I don't believe him when he answers me. So how can I be so upset when someone is finally being honest with me, when it's the one thing I always ask my family to be?

It's not the first time this family member has offered their thoughts on my weight, in fact it's quite a regular thing. Looking back on our shopping trips or when I wear something knew, this person always feels the need to offer me some well-meaning advice whether I want it or not. 'Why don't you wear something black, it's very slimming? Darken your hair, it makes your face thinner. Don't wear your hair up as it makes your face look chunkier. Your belly is way too big in that, buy something looser around the waist.'

I know I am not fat and I'm not plus size. I'd say I'm your average Joe. I'm not happy with how I look but I think that's more down to my own mental health and the insecurities that brings me. This person knows I have suffered with my mental health for years and that positivity, in particular, body positivity, doesn't come naturally to me. 

So it brings me to the original question, Is it ever ok for a family member to call you fat? I would say no. Nobody deserves that treatment especially if it is very far from the truth. No one deserves the well-intentioned, ill mannered bullying from family members who will insist they are acting out of concern for you. You shouldn't feel shamed or condescended at.

For days I've been thinking of why this family member speaks to me in this way and I've come to reason that it's because they are from a generation where there were no body positive movements. They had similar unhealthy images and ideas of how their bodies should look but there was no one to enforce that you are beautiful inside and out, no matter what you look like. 

I've come to realise that they are not criticising me on purpose they are simply trying to get me to live the life they believe is still the best. In their mind, being beautiful means you will live a vibrant life, full of love which is so inconceivable. They think that by wearing beautiful clothes, you will be confident and happy and that is the main thing to be. They come from a generation where looks, money and status are important and nothing else really matters. 

I was honestly so upset about this for days but after thinking it through I am fine and I've come to realise the next time I hear one of those comments I am going to stand up for myself. 

Have you ever experienced anything like this from family members?



  1. I don't know why family members seem to be obsessed with fat or thin. I have the opposite to you with people constantly commenting on me being skinny (which is a result of health issues) and to be honest it really irks me too. People should think twice before labelling anyone when it comes to their body or weight.

  2. I don’t think anyone has the right to comment on your body for whatever reason, unless there is a very serious concern about your health. I know what you mean about generations though, my Nan was always very blunt when she was alive but she came from a generation with very different views on women’s role in society.

  3. It's never OK, is it? I have no idea what crosses people's minds when they say you've put on a bit of weight. I've put on a stone or so recently, and my mum always makes comments about me being chubby. Who cares?

  4. It is something I have never heard from my family they seem to be more cautious words and honestly I don't think family members should say that.

  5. It’s never okay! It’s just bloody rude! I can’t say it’s something I’ve heard from family members myself, but I know older generations have directed unkind remarks toward certain members of the family.

  6. I always tell my friends and myself as well that people will always talk, and you will be surprised the ones that say the meanest words are the relatives. I guess they don't just know when they cross their boundaries.

  7. No,it not ok to ever be called fat. I ask opinions if I want them and would be really upset being called fat,which would probably would make me eat more

  8. Why is it family think it’s ok to say things they wouldn’t to friends or strangers!

  9. I love the quote from Jk Rowling - "Is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel'"

    I've got family members who can be very straight talking about my weight, and I always remember this quote. I might be "fat" but at least I'm fun!

  10. My nan comments on my weight most times I see her. Never if I have lost any- only if I have put any on. A few years ago her neighbour said-" woe Gem, you look fab, you have lost weight" nan simply replied "well, she's hardly skinny is she". A few weeks ago staring at me in front of my children, mum and auntie- Gemma have you put on weight? That top makes you look big. These stand out for me because they are the times I have replied. Quite harshly really. "Well and don t want to be skinny actually" and "what a horrible thing to say, so what if I have I don't need you pointing it out" I am not confident in my body which is 2stone heavier than before I had children. I literally think about it every minute if every day. But if I don't ask your opinion don t give it. And if I do be fucking tactful. After all we all have our insecurities and that one comment can push us over the edge!p.S. you are beautiful and most definitely NOT fat Kerry xxxx


Blogger Template Created by pipdig