It can be hard to experience loss, that much you likely know and won’t need an internet post to tell you. It can be tough to explain this outcome to our children, to learn life anew without a loved one, and sometimes, to deal with the lingering grief and pain that follows us.
But the truth is that there are too many guides on the internet dedicated to coping with loss and trying to take one step after another afterward. They’re all welcome, but you can only say the same thing so many times before you’re reiterating the same points repeatedly.
Sometimes, it’s better to come down to the brass tacks of what loss actually means, not what it feels like. That can lead to a hole-like feeling that needs to be filled, and not destructively with bad habits.
In other words, you, and your entire family, need to figure out how to adapt to new family life after loss. The easiest this can be is if you’ve had the good fortune of welcoming a new family member into the family as of late, be that through a marriage that caused a union through families, or perhaps your adult son or daughter bringing their own bundle of joy home through birth or adoption.
But of course, we can’t recommend you go out and do that as a loss-coping measure in this post. That would be strange, to say the least. However, we can offer other routes you may wish to take to help your loved ones adapt to a new normal and start to get back into the momentum of life, even after a central loss:
Fill The Time You Spent With Another Hobby Or Practice
When we lose someone close to us, we often notice the absence most during the times we would have spent together. This can look different depending on the person you’ve lost of course, but might involve a weekly phone call, Sunday dinners, or even just the little moments you used to fill with their presence now feel hollow. Perhaps you used to take your children to see their grandparents every Tuesday evening for three hours or so, and now you have that time to fill.
So, what would you like to do? There’s no real answer here, but it’s nice to have a craft or hobby that can help you avoid feeling the loss of time more acutely, after all, the loss of a habit is also part of the loss of a loved one. It’s true that they would like us to find something new and exciting to do in this time.
So for example, you might help your children learn to bake in that time, or show your little one how to garden, or knit scarves for winter while you’re on the festive school break. This way, you can begin building the momentum of your life once more, as we mentioned above. Now, you don’t have to be quite so proactive and creative, perhaps just a nice walk in the park with the dog can be enough.
Memorialize Them For Closure
Now, forcing closure isn’t exactly advisable to anyone, even if we might want to seek it at any cost ourselves. But grief doesn’t tie itself up neatly, and there’s no “right” way to move on. That being said, creating a memorial can be a way to honor their life while giving yourself a small sense of closure too, and providers like Memorials.com can help you do so with tasteful and worthwhile tokens of love and appreciation.
For some that might involve a niche plaque on a wall of your household, or it could be a photo album filled with your favorite pictures, Maybe you’ll have a keepsake box with their letters and mementos, or even planting a tree in their honor. Some even name a star to honor them through an online observatory service.
For some families, it might be dedicating a specific day each year to remember them, like a picnic in their favorite park or a toast at dinner. This last one might not seem like much, but think about it, if you were gone, would you want people to celebrate and raise a glass in your honor? Exactly, it can be quite heartfelt and loving to do this.
In other words, having a little ritual can be nice and it’s a good way to remember your loved one with your family. Over time, that might help you move into the practical necessity of every day with a little more comfort.
Share Stories & Have Fun with Your Memories
Is there anything more pleasant and fun than sharing stories about someone you loved and having one of those awful snort-laughs because you can’t breathe with the hilarity of it? Okay, you might not look your best, but inside we can feel real joy.
Loss is a sad thing in general, perhaps mostly sad, but that doesn’t mean it’s 100% sad at all times with no reprieve. Keeping the memory of someone close to you can quite literally be the most nurturing thing you have. It can keep you strong during tough times, and it can remind you to be a little more focused and attentive in life. It might even help you be kinder and have more patience.
Reminding your children and family members of this can help you lighten the mood a little. That’s not to say you should force others to feel good of course, but it’s a nice reminder in a tough time. If you find yourself speaking to your relative in your quiet moments with the feeling they can hear you, well, you would be sharing a practice that most people engage in, even if we don’t really talk about it out loud.
With this advice, we hope you can become closer as a family unit and make the most of each day despite our loss. There are healthy lessons to learn in this practice, and you never know, you may find that the example they set helps sustain you over time.
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