To my beautiful girls,
On most other days I would moan about doing the school run, if I wasn't whinging about the rain or the fact that I walk back and forth to that school 6 times on the days I'm not in work then I'd be moaning about the chaos that it always brings with it. The whole morning routine usually stresses me out. Getting the breakfasts, fighting with you both to get you dressed, doing your packed lunch, ensuring reading books etc are in the bag and then of course one of you won't be able to find something whether that's your shoes or coat as we rush to head out of the door. Today it was different. Today I knew I was doing it for the last time for probably a long time. Today the world changed again. Today you made history.
Ophelia you had already been off from school for 2 days due to the Corona virus but I had been in work so I was unaware of how emotional I would become when the reality sunk in.
Ophelia and I headed off to pick you up Eva, and as she scooted past her friends and shouted 'hi Holly' and practically squealed with delight when she saw Owen, tears started to form. I wondered how long you'd be away from your friends and whether those friendships and tidings of joy will be there when you return to school. Then the horrible feeling deep down in the pit of my stomach presented itself, I felt sick as my mind wondered. When will you actually return to school and how different will the world be? How different will the people be? Will you actually want to return and make the big jump into reception in September? How will all of this affect your beautiful, inquisitive, precious, vulnerable minds? How can I protect you from something we know nothing about?
I finally reach your classroom door and you wouldn't have seen it as I wouldn't want you to see my fear and upset over the situation but I was crying. I smiled and hugged you. As we walked past other parents I smiled at them. A forced smile through the sadness I was feeling inside. A forced smile from the tears I was desperately fighting back.
I realised that in years to come teachers will be educating our future generations about this time. About the time that the world changed. About the time that school was cancelled for the foreseeable. About the time that children had to miss exams. They'll teach it in History lessons, Science lessons and Sociology lessons. Today you made the history books but not for something positive but for something negative.
As I sit and wonder what life will be like over the next coming months, I am filled with dread. Not least because I work in healthcare (that comes with so many other worries and stresses right now) but because I need to give you both as much of a normal life as best I can. I need to educate you, play with you, keep you feeling positive and shelter you from the panic and grief around you.
One thing today has made me realise though, is I will never take these moments with you for granted. They are precious, they are to be treasured and remembered because it's all over too quickly.
Come rain or shine, bring on the next school run. If it's raining then I'll hold your hands and jump in the puddles with you. May I never think of something you enjoy so much, something that brings a smile to your beautiful little faces, as a burden again.
Love you to infinity and beyond,
Mum xxx
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If you follow me on Facebook then you may have seen that I was recently mum shamed and judged by the new mum police. These new mums really went for me, however, out of their surprise (and my own), they picked on the wrong mama as I left them with jaws to the floor and my head held high.
Here's what happened...
Whilst walking the girls to feed the ducks after school, Ophelia (who's 2.5) decided to throw one of her epic terrible two’s tantrums (about the 7th of the day) which involved lying on the floor kicking and screaming. You know the type of tantrum where they fling themselves back and nothing you can do or say will console them?! It was one of those.
Eva (who's 5 going on 15) decided to keep going ahead of me. I could still see her, she wasn’t far. We were near no roads as along a path by a field. I shouted to Eva to wait ahead.
This is where the new mums appeared. I could feel their daggers through my back, stabbing me multiple times. They strolled passed with their prams and glared. Not content with just glaring they then decided to stop and turn around and look at me in disgust. One of them decided to take it when step further and said to me confidently "your child is in distress are you going to actually help her or just keep standing there'?
My blood was boiling. First off what the hell is with Mum judgement?! The three of them were clearly in newborn bubble stage and there they were judging me, stressed out Mum of two young children. My response went like this:
"Are you first time parents? (they said yes)". I explained this was a toddler tantrum and my child was in no means in distress but thanked them for their expert parenting opinion which I had not asked for. Not content with my answer they then criticised the fact that Eva was ahead of me on her own. They really wanted to make me feel useless. Not today lovelies, this mama wasn't having any of it.
This is where I took a deep breath and instead of getting into an argument (believe you me and me, I had to really restrain myself from telling them to fuck off), I decided to tell them how hurtful they were being by judging me. How disrespectful they were. How they can’t make assumptions about situations they know nothing about. I told them, had I not been on anti depressants for postnatal depression (PND) that their judgement would have had me crying all evening and shutting myself away in the bathroom and locking the door. I told them that I would have cried so much to the point where I would have been sick and that would have caused me to have a panic attack. I then explained that my anxiety would’ve meant I wouldn’t have left the house with the girls for a good few days for fear of being JUDGED for my bad parenting and being a shit mum. I then responded that luckily for them I’ve been on anti depressants for a few months now and I am a stronger, more confident Mum who couldn't give a shit what they thought about my parenting. I explained that I hope no one ever does to them what they’ve done to me today and that in future they want to take a long hard look in the mirror before judging other people’s behaviours. I then wished them a lovely day and told them to enjoy the sunshine.
I walked away from that encounter feeling incredible. Their mum judgement and shaming hadn't had the effect they'd desired. Instead of making me feel like shit, it made me feel fantastic. It made me feel like me again. It was such a pivotal moment in my PND journey as I finally felt like a strong, confident mum again.
I was literally skipping down the path singing 'THIS IS ME' from 'The Greatest Showman'. I felt powerful, happy and in control. Most of all I was starting to recognise myself again.
To sum up don't judge other mama's (or dad's for that matter), stick together, show some love and support and we can all sing 'This is me' together.
Here's what happened...
Whilst walking the girls to feed the ducks after school, Ophelia (who's 2.5) decided to throw one of her epic terrible two’s tantrums (about the 7th of the day) which involved lying on the floor kicking and screaming. You know the type of tantrum where they fling themselves back and nothing you can do or say will console them?! It was one of those.
Eva (who's 5 going on 15) decided to keep going ahead of me. I could still see her, she wasn’t far. We were near no roads as along a path by a field. I shouted to Eva to wait ahead.
This is where the new mums appeared. I could feel their daggers through my back, stabbing me multiple times. They strolled passed with their prams and glared. Not content with just glaring they then decided to stop and turn around and look at me in disgust. One of them decided to take it when step further and said to me confidently "your child is in distress are you going to actually help her or just keep standing there'?
My blood was boiling. First off what the hell is with Mum judgement?! The three of them were clearly in newborn bubble stage and there they were judging me, stressed out Mum of two young children. My response went like this:
"Are you first time parents? (they said yes)". I explained this was a toddler tantrum and my child was in no means in distress but thanked them for their expert parenting opinion which I had not asked for. Not content with my answer they then criticised the fact that Eva was ahead of me on her own. They really wanted to make me feel useless. Not today lovelies, this mama wasn't having any of it.
This is where I took a deep breath and instead of getting into an argument (believe you me and me, I had to really restrain myself from telling them to fuck off), I decided to tell them how hurtful they were being by judging me. How disrespectful they were. How they can’t make assumptions about situations they know nothing about. I told them, had I not been on anti depressants for postnatal depression (PND) that their judgement would have had me crying all evening and shutting myself away in the bathroom and locking the door. I told them that I would have cried so much to the point where I would have been sick and that would have caused me to have a panic attack. I then explained that my anxiety would’ve meant I wouldn’t have left the house with the girls for a good few days for fear of being JUDGED for my bad parenting and being a shit mum. I then responded that luckily for them I’ve been on anti depressants for a few months now and I am a stronger, more confident Mum who couldn't give a shit what they thought about my parenting. I explained that I hope no one ever does to them what they’ve done to me today and that in future they want to take a long hard look in the mirror before judging other people’s behaviours. I then wished them a lovely day and told them to enjoy the sunshine.
I walked away from that encounter feeling incredible. Their mum judgement and shaming hadn't had the effect they'd desired. Instead of making me feel like shit, it made me feel fantastic. It made me feel like me again. It was such a pivotal moment in my PND journey as I finally felt like a strong, confident mum again.
I was literally skipping down the path singing 'THIS IS ME' from 'The Greatest Showman'. I felt powerful, happy and in control. Most of all I was starting to recognise myself again.
To sum up don't judge other mama's (or dad's for that matter), stick together, show some love and support and we can all sing 'This is me' together.
There comes a time in your life as a parent when you have this realisation, 'shit I sound like my mother!'
As a child or teenager, how many times did you cringe when you heard those dreaded phrases repeated to you over and over again? Those phrases that made you sit there with your best eye roll face imaginable. You'd respond with things like blah, blah, blah or 'I would never say that to my child'. Well guess what, I bet you've said some of the following to your child.
1) This is your last chance (let's face it, it's never their last chance is it?)
2) Because I said so
3) If someone asked you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?
4) Ask your dad
5) I've told you a thousand times
6) It's not what, it's pardon
7) You'll take someone's eye out with that
8) You'll get square eyes sitting that close to the TV
9) Who is she? The cat's mother (What does this even mean?)
10) Don't talk with your mouth full
11) Do you think I was born yesterday?
12) Don't swallow chewing gum because it'll wrap around your heart
13) Money doesn't grow on trees
14) Don't use that tone with me
15) Eat your carrots, it'll make you see in the dark
16) There is no such word as can't
17) What part of no don't you understand?
18) Your face will freeze like that
19) Eat your crusts, it'll give you curly hair
20) Just you wait till your father gets home
21) I'm not going to ask you again
22) Let's see who can be quiet the longest (The quiet game that never works)
23) There are children in Africa starving. Eat your food
24) What did your last slave die of?
25) Back in my day
26) Get your fingers out of your nose
27) See if you can fetch me that before I can count to 10
28) Don't make that face. If the wind changes you'll stay like that
29) I don't care who started it
30) When you're older you'll understand
What phrases do you find yourself saying that you heard through your childhood?
As a child or teenager, how many times did you cringe when you heard those dreaded phrases repeated to you over and over again? Those phrases that made you sit there with your best eye roll face imaginable. You'd respond with things like blah, blah, blah or 'I would never say that to my child'. Well guess what, I bet you've said some of the following to your child.
1) This is your last chance (let's face it, it's never their last chance is it?)
2) Because I said so
3) If someone asked you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?
4) Ask your dad
5) I've told you a thousand times
6) It's not what, it's pardon
7) You'll take someone's eye out with that
8) You'll get square eyes sitting that close to the TV
9) Who is she? The cat's mother (What does this even mean?)
10) Don't talk with your mouth full
11) Do you think I was born yesterday?
12) Don't swallow chewing gum because it'll wrap around your heart
13) Money doesn't grow on trees
14) Don't use that tone with me
15) Eat your carrots, it'll make you see in the dark
16) There is no such word as can't
17) What part of no don't you understand?
18) Your face will freeze like that
19) Eat your crusts, it'll give you curly hair
20) Just you wait till your father gets home
21) I'm not going to ask you again
22) Let's see who can be quiet the longest (The quiet game that never works)
23) There are children in Africa starving. Eat your food
24) What did your last slave die of?
25) Back in my day
26) Get your fingers out of your nose
27) See if you can fetch me that before I can count to 10
28) Don't make that face. If the wind changes you'll stay like that
29) I don't care who started it
30) When you're older you'll understand
What phrases do you find yourself saying that you heard through your childhood?
A couple of months ago we received some wonderful new Cosatto Hubbub ISOFIX car seats. We took them on a road trip to London. See how we got on.
“Mum are we there yet?”
She asked as I strapped her in,
“No we’ve not left yet”
I replied whilst thinking about Gin.
The boot was jam packed,
The snacks were ready made,
With our new Cosatto car seats,
We as parents were not afraid.
The journey would be long,
Entertainment was at the ready,
Hubbub car seats with ISOFIX were fixed in,
So, we knew the kids would be steady.
“Are we nearly there yet,”
They chirped from the back,
We strapped them in with the 5-point harness,
This anti-escape system would be a tough one to crack.
We set off for London,
The kids couldn’t wait to arrive,
Half way through the journey,
We were in for a surprise.
“Are we nearly there yet”
She shouted with desperation,
“Will you stop asking that annoying question”
Daddy replied with much frustration.
“But I need a wee”
“I need to go right now”
We raced to the nearest service station,
By the sweat of one’s brow.
“It’s too late, it’s too late”
She shouted on endless repeat,
With removable washable covers,
We didn’t worry about the seat.
“Are we nearly there yet”
She was fed up of sitting still,
“mummy I’ve got something to tell you”
“The smell of my sister’s nappy is making me ill.”
“OH NO” I cried,
“It looks like a poonami”
Another pit stop it is,
The journey was driving us barmy.
We pulled in at the services,
Could we get her out slickly?
But with the quick release harness,
She was out pretty quickly.
We continued our journey,
Along the long m4,
The girls were clearly comfy,
Because they started to snore.
Two sleeping bunnies,
All safe and secure,
In their fab, new car seats,
They looked so innocent and pure.
“Are we nearly there yet”
She asked for the last time,
“Yes we’re in London,”
I replied with a chime.
We unpacked the car,
But didn’t have to take the seat,
They were fitted with ISOFIX,
Not having to carry them was such a relief.
We had a fab time in London,
The kids were easy to please,
Back into her happy stars car seat,
Littlest thought she was the bee’s knees.
Thank you Cosatto,
The car seats were great,
They’ll last them for years,
More adventures await.
*A big thank you to Cosatto for kindly sending us two car seats for our journey. All opinions are our own*
I survived my first term at being a school mum. I'm not gonna lie the first day was awful after a nasty encounter with a fellow mum. People tell you about the different types of mums at the school gate and I honestly thought it was a load of bulls**t but actually they are there.
1) The Super Involved Mum
There she is, super chatty, super smily and she can make you sign up to volunteer for the next disco or fair quicker than you can run out of those school gates. She's the first one baking cakes and she's always on the school trips. She's on first term names with the teachers and of course she is on the PTA. Watch out for over use of the phrase 'for the good of the school'.
2) The Always Late Mum
I'm sure we've all been late, in fact I'm normally sprinting to the gates at least once a week. However, there's always that one mum who arrives after the bell rings looking red faced, stressed and harassed. You always see her after you've dropped your kids off and you're half way home. When it comes to picking up, she has always just 'lost track of time'.
3) The Fitness Mum
There she is in her gym gear shoving that peachy, pert bum in your face (yes we're jealous). With a book bag in one hand and a water bottle in the other, she looks incredible and manages to make you feel like shit. How does this woman get to the gym every single day??? You're left drooling thinking 'I wish I could be her, perhaps I should go to the gym everyday!'. Haha.
4) The 4x4 Mum
Watch out for the 4x4 mum, she'll run you over if you get in her way. In fact, she's parked her car right outside the school on the double yellow, no parking zone, just because she can. She's in the wrong but no one dares to tell her.
5) The Dad Mum
Who's that I hear you say? Well it's actually a Dad. Yep there are dads there too but they'll have a whole blog post of their own.
6) The Fashionista Mum
There's always one mum who walks through the gates looking like she's on a catwalk. Not a pair of trainers in site and sunglasses glued to her forehead all year round. How does she manage to scrub up that well and still arrive on time looking so glamorous?
7) The Multiple Mum
How does this mum do it? She has a buggy, a lively toddler in tow and a few kids of various ages at the school. She is rocking motherhood whilst the rest of us can barely get one child ready.
8) The Wing It Mum
This one comes to school in her pyjama bottoms with not a care in the world. She'll have a messy bun on her head, no make up on and she couldn't give a t*ss.
9) The Mean Girls Mum
Yep there's one bitch that still think she's in high school. She's a sour faced, nasty piece of work. Looks down on you, gossips about you and goes out of her way to make you feel like a piece of crap. Grow up!
10) The Super Mum
Oh to be the super mum. The one that looks good, has the kids' lunches ready in perfect boxes, the children look immaculate, she knits, she crafts, she works, she's super organised and man do you just want to be her. The homework is always done above and beyond expectation and she never forgets anything. She's like a walking calendar.
Now i've written this in more of a piss take of myself as quite frankly, I could be any one of these mums depending on the mood i'm in when I wake up in the morning. I'm on the PTA, I have a 4x4, I go to the gym and quite often i'm late. The moral of the story is never judge a book by its cover. You are all mums after all and who knows you may end up having a blossoming friendship with the mum you feared the most.
1) The Super Involved Mum
There she is, super chatty, super smily and she can make you sign up to volunteer for the next disco or fair quicker than you can run out of those school gates. She's the first one baking cakes and she's always on the school trips. She's on first term names with the teachers and of course she is on the PTA. Watch out for over use of the phrase 'for the good of the school'.
2) The Always Late Mum
I'm sure we've all been late, in fact I'm normally sprinting to the gates at least once a week. However, there's always that one mum who arrives after the bell rings looking red faced, stressed and harassed. You always see her after you've dropped your kids off and you're half way home. When it comes to picking up, she has always just 'lost track of time'.
3) The Fitness Mum
There she is in her gym gear shoving that peachy, pert bum in your face (yes we're jealous). With a book bag in one hand and a water bottle in the other, she looks incredible and manages to make you feel like shit. How does this woman get to the gym every single day??? You're left drooling thinking 'I wish I could be her, perhaps I should go to the gym everyday!'. Haha.
4) The 4x4 Mum
Watch out for the 4x4 mum, she'll run you over if you get in her way. In fact, she's parked her car right outside the school on the double yellow, no parking zone, just because she can. She's in the wrong but no one dares to tell her.
5) The Dad Mum
Who's that I hear you say? Well it's actually a Dad. Yep there are dads there too but they'll have a whole blog post of their own.
6) The Fashionista Mum
There's always one mum who walks through the gates looking like she's on a catwalk. Not a pair of trainers in site and sunglasses glued to her forehead all year round. How does she manage to scrub up that well and still arrive on time looking so glamorous?
7) The Multiple Mum
How does this mum do it? She has a buggy, a lively toddler in tow and a few kids of various ages at the school. She is rocking motherhood whilst the rest of us can barely get one child ready.
8) The Wing It Mum
This one comes to school in her pyjama bottoms with not a care in the world. She'll have a messy bun on her head, no make up on and she couldn't give a t*ss.
Yep there's one bitch that still think she's in high school. She's a sour faced, nasty piece of work. Looks down on you, gossips about you and goes out of her way to make you feel like a piece of crap. Grow up!
10) The Super Mum
Oh to be the super mum. The one that looks good, has the kids' lunches ready in perfect boxes, the children look immaculate, she knits, she crafts, she works, she's super organised and man do you just want to be her. The homework is always done above and beyond expectation and she never forgets anything. She's like a walking calendar.
Now i've written this in more of a piss take of myself as quite frankly, I could be any one of these mums depending on the mood i'm in when I wake up in the morning. I'm on the PTA, I have a 4x4, I go to the gym and quite often i'm late. The moral of the story is never judge a book by its cover. You are all mums after all and who knows you may end up having a blossoming friendship with the mum you feared the most.
When I first became a mum, I had visions of being a real life Mary Poppins, practically perfect in every way. I had great hopes as a family. I thought we would sing, we would craft, we would bake and basically live in a Pinterest bubble where everything is exactly as it should be.
I used Pinterest as my main form of inspiration. I imagined myself as Wales' answer to Martha Stewart. There was going to be no craft I couldn't do, no cake I couldn't bake. Turns out i'm more like Martha during her jail conviction phase rather than the epitome of Pinterest mum that I longed to be.
If you look at my Pinterest you'll realise I am the master at deception. I have endless Pinterest mum boards. There's Christmas crafts for kids, Christmas children's recipes, handprint craft, homemade gifts, party inspo, the list goes on. I'll spend hours looking for the perfect crafts to do with the kids on a rainy day or princess party ideas. On the surface I look the real deal.
If you visit the craft area in my house (yep i've got a dedicated section), you would think you'd stumbled into your local HobbyCraft. I have drawers full of creative gear. Stickers, glue, sequins, paints, pretty patterned papers (soooooo many of these), stamps, various washi tapes, scrapbooks, you name it i've got it.
How about my baking cupboard? Well there's food colouring, shapes, cutters, icing sets and endless baking tins and supplies.
Unfortunately, no matter how much I look the part, I just don't fit in.
So what went wrong......? Truth be told, i'm shit at it.
I always thought I was a creative person, turns out that doesn't quite transpire into any of the qualities needed be a Pinterest mum. To put it bluntly, I can't draw, I can't paint, I can't bake and I sure as hell can't make things look pretty.
I also have a bit of a confession. Not only am I shit at it, I actually think I secretly hate it. Nothing stresses me out more than the thought of the mess that baking with the kids creates or the idea of being up to my elbow in glue. The thought of the paint all of the kids hands and feet practically sends me into a nervous breakdown. In fact, I don't just hate it, I loathe it! But yet I can't seem to let it go.
It's my daughter's birthday soon so what did I spend last night doing? I was busy searching for the perfect Moana party ideas of course. I've got various cupcakes, decorative displays, fancy themed food and wait till you see the cakes. But i'm left wondering why I torture myself. Most of the stuff we attempt to do ends up in the bin so why do I set myself up for failure?
It's clearly that need for perfection. The idea of being that perfect mum that can't do anything wrong. So my love/hate relationship with Pinterest will continue. I will continue to love sitting there for hours on end pinning various bits and pieces and when it comes to the crunch, I will hate taking part in the craft activity.
How about you? When it comes to Pinterest are you Martha Stewart or are you me?
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